My first glorious day of NOT going into uni. It's monday morning and I'm not on a train-lovely lovelies!!!!! AND>>>I'm going to do uni work today. That's right. [ess dramatically casts aside the evil procrastination!]

Wireless allows you to escape into the far-most corner of the backyard, giving you the privledge of lying on the grass blogging in the open air (away from other human beans). Why should Ess want to escape? A concord of reasons woven together and activated by something which should've brought joy. A late birthday present. To sum up I recieved a large postal box full of items which I don't need or identify with, bought by people who love me but barely survive on the money they do have, a person close to me who has recently visited and who I thought gained insight into my character. The tears came not because of disappointment at unwanted presents, but from....how do I word this? Imagine spending a week with someone dear to you, getting to know them more so than ever before, and vise versa....showing them your room, going to the Japanese gardens and sharing memories and experiences, going op shopping....feeling that after almost 19 years a connection and understanding had been made. Then several weeks later you are sent a package which contradicts all you believed had been gained...a symbol of misunderstanding and money which should've been directed elsewhere. My sister wants to sell it all on ebay- at the moment I can not bear to look upon it. I know, I know, mama has already told me- the whole symbol of their love, how buying stuff for us is an addiction..etc... etc...But although my brain gets it, it still hurts, tearing at my heart. Lack of sleep and food probably is heightening the emotions...but when I need kitchen wear I do not go out and buy any old/new (e.g.) knife. I have to find one with a soul, one which speaks to me, has had a life or is just waiting for life to begin... and so I add it to my slowly increasing stash of when-I-move-out items. My mind is telling me I'm over reacting, but I just needed to get it out before it exploded expentiously some other time. Let us forget and move on.

I am loving university and being apart of SURCAS (circus society). Last wednesday night I played with fire for the first time. Although my skill level was 0, it felt amazing. You can hear fire. I think if the wind could ever visually/physically project itself, taking upon a form, it would choose fire and the night to be manifested. I attempted staff work, but I am still learning how to move with the staff, recognising the various planes to guide it along. The hula hoop (which has 6 wicks screwed in and lit on fire) felt a lot easier and more natural. I love how you don't realise you smell of kerosene until the next morning when you smell last night's clothes. I love how you return with soot marks along your arms, legs and face. I love how you almost feel like Dustfinger.

Indi, I am begining to implement the 8/8/8 principle. 8 hours rest. 8 hours work. 8 hour play.

I am 19 years and 1 week old exactly.

I am now a convert to live music. Coldplay was more than I ever expected. It was the best 19th birthday present I could've ever wished for. Though the little booklet of 'this is your life' created by deece comes pretty close:)

[TAB 1: The luckiest by Ben Folds] [TAB 2: Blogger:winter beanie]

recieved a nasty shock last week: discovered how much uni work I actually have to do.

I'm meeting interesting people from all sorts of backgrounds, philosophies and cultures.

'I am the luckiest'

I love the chill Autumn evenings bring.

I have a blister (I think) on my right heel. Apparently it's from all my barefoot escaparades.

Hi Sparrow,

This is for when you're online again (I hope it's soon). It's been a week since I last saw you-how are you my little ninja? I thought of you when I was walking barefoot this evening-I think I did it for both of us. The evening just beckoned for shoes to be thrown off, for the wind to greet naked foot skin. Yes the concrete was rough, but one of us needs to retain our callouses:) [I'll give you some of mine when we meet up again].

much love, Ess.

p.s. I meet 2 guys who do/did free running/parkour-thought you'd like to know;D

I walked home bare foot on a lovely autumn evening. Twas round about 6pm. I have been blogging constantly in my mind- 4 hours worth of train catching 5 days a week gives you mighty amounts of self reflection time. Mr Thursday placed some interesting things along my path today. Being in the wrong half of the train turned out to be the right half-it led to exploring, discovery, a conversation with a dear friend, a Wendy's crunchie shake, understanding, insight, compassion, forgiveness, a new approach to drawing, gratitude...

blank.

blanc.
hmm.

You meet interesting people at university.

If Physiotherapy doesn't work out I can always join the circus. (I'm being serious)