The-Boys'-Home<---click on link!
I was washing the dishes yester-even and came across this video. It touched my heart and for reasons still unknown to me, I found myself sobbing on the floor. The family were all out, i was home alone, my mobile with all my friend's numbers had gone missing over the weekend, and so I did the only thing I could do. I fell to my knees in prayerful tears to my Heavenly Father. I poured out my concerns and thoughts.
Sometimes it is hard to view your life with the long term perspective in mind. I want to do so much, but at the moment I have 3 exams over the next two weeks for which I need to study for. I'm finding it hard to continue with diligence and motivation. Small decisions freeze me when I deilberate over possible options. But watching this video for the second or third time, helps to thaw me out and give me a nudge in the right direction. I have a song 'Heaven's eyes' from The Prince of Egypt also helping to carry me through. I think what is most crippling is not having a plan. I come to stand still and waste time because I'm unsure as what to do next.
Although today, I let myself become slightly disheartened, I experienced some beautiful moments of life. My lil brothers and I were on the front learn playing with bows and arrows made from sticks, elastic and bamboo. With epic swords from the fallen branches of our gum tree. Long metal rods from the depths of our garage became epic staffs. We played, sustained minor injuries (Jayred and I drew blood from each other). I haven't just mucked around with my brothers for a long time. I need to do more running without work weighing down my mind and heart. Breathe in that cool winter air and run. run and dive and roll and tumble and jump and leap and dance.
I was reading back through one of my journals and I came across a thought I had written earlier in the year. I had been concerned over the different paths of prepartion to follow but the past me had come to the conclusion that I should simply focus on 'becoming'. Isn't it wonderful that the strengths of your past self can help your present and future self.
So do I have a plan for tomorrow since beginning this post? I think having a purpose outside study helps. Have an overall purpose/goal and then slot study in around it. Ok Ess, just create a strategy so then you at least have something to work with. Tomorrow I want to wake up round 5.30am to get ready and begin my day with reading and pondering the scriptures. Going for a run whilst listening to a conference talk, shower, brekkie. An hour of biomechanics. And then....I want to create beauty from my pain. Neuroscience pathways shall be transformed into a story- I shall create and learn at the same time. Revise at the end of the day...play basketball. Overall purpose? To share what I learn and the beauty I come across. I shall use this blog to keep myself accountable. If I feel myself going crazy then I can start reorganizing the front room books-restoring it from the chaos I left it in when salvaging cubes for my room.
Good night, love Ess xx
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